The 2nd Annual Grahammy Awards!
It is finally the time of year for the biggest awards in music The Grahammy's! This week the winners will are crowned and those receiving awards can have their careers changed forever. Many of these artists see this award as their assent to the top of their field.
And the awards go to...
Duo/Duet that would make the least watchable sex tape
Post Malone & 21 Savage - Rockstar
Post Malone was an obvious contender for this category because he looks like if the hair stuck in the drain of a biker bar came to life. The amount of tattoos involved in this would make for the world's worst cartoon when their bodies touched. I don't know if they would both take their grills out before they started kissing but either way would make for some unsettling footage.
Duo/Duet that would make the Most watchable sex tape
Cardi B & Offset - Lick
As the most probable sex tape to come out it would also be the most watchable because they are both in love. I mean the song they made together is called Lick.
“I turn Offset on
I told him the other day
Man, we should sell that porn”
Best Songwriting
Jay-Z - 4:44
The culmination of the story begun by Beyoncé's Lemonade about Jay-Z cheating on her. This song finishes the real life drama played out before everyone from his perspective. A tale of temptation and regret culminating in guilt and pain.
“And if my children knew, I don’t even know what I would do
If they ain’t look at me the same
I would prob’ly die with all the shame”
Song to leave in 2017
No Character to Clear - Mr. B the Gentleman Ryhmer
Chap Hop is still producing music and this genre should definitely die and be left in the past. If you aren't familiar (luck you) Wikipedia defines it well as "music originating from England that mixes the hip hop genre with elements from the Chappist or steampunk subcultures and stereotypical English obsessions such as cricket, tea and the weather". This abomination of satire and Hip Hop should be left behind. It is so bad I did not in the playlist at the end.
Best Debut Album
Yesterday's Gone - Loyle Carner
A strong candidate for album of the year is even more impressive considering it was his first album. If you didn't get a chance to listen to this last week when it was nominated I highly recommend it. This relaxing album is a near perfect mix with an English accent, what more could you want?
Best Track
Bodak Yellow - Cardi B
Storming onto the scene this year in a dominating fashion. She became the first woman to have five singles in the Billboard top 10. She also has hands down the best Twitter in the game, hopefully she can keep up the momentum for when she drops her first full length album.
“If I see you and I don’t speak, that means I don’t fuck with you
I’m a boss, you a worker, bitch, I make bloody moves”
Album of the Year
Kendrick Lamar - Damn
It isn't really fair to the other artists when Kendrick decides to put out an album. I think they all just let out a heavy sigh hoping maybe next time they won't release music in the same year as him. Better luck next year to the field as they won't just be competing for runner-up.
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